| | I mean it's 2:41 in the fucking morning, I've already slept and now I can't fall back asleep.Our printer isn't working so I can't finish my project that;s due 2nd block, and I need to get all my paper works signed. I had OM today, got nothing done, have robotics today...better really make some progress or I might quit, both....at which point, what would I ever have to do...like at 1 am when I wake up and goes downstairs to sew OM costumes, that would be no more >.<' so now I'm embrodiering a scarf, not the funnest thing at 3 am. but at least school is fun so far, and I have lunch with Lucifer<3 everyother day it seems...and most of my classes don't really consist of people who try to talk to me, so I can go on about my day just reading my book, which Sean stole, even though I SHOULD BE reading the summer reading books because I have all class thursday to work on the project for it, but I haven't read the second book and don't remeber the first....hmmph....ah well, I have untill tuedsay, and no school monday, so that's what I'll be doing in most likely hood....yuk >.> Kill Hannah and Jrock has taken over my computer, and anything not japanese seems to not exsist....it's weird I'm too asian to not be asian...hmmph...I'm losing myself agian though, I can feel it, like talking to Marie today....I could tell that I'm almost gone, already, and I was doing so well at keeping at least a shred of myself still intact, ever around others. I mean most people think I enjoy talking, they think I like conversations and that I have friends, and I hate myself for lying to these poor kids, well actually I'm not even lying, they're merely assuming beyond what I'm implying...ah well. I still have some friends. Most people are merely accquaintances, but that's alright, they make me seem slightly more normal, having people who say hi passing in the hall, but never really seem to stop to talk to ME.....it's alright, I need those people, so I don't repeat my past, it's just that well, I miss my past, I miss being me, and reading all day, I miss not having to respond to these sheep who just do everything they are expected to because it's expected....does that make sense? Also, today I saw a girl who I swore was Marie, until I realized half of her hair was black, but it was the same length, and style, or lack thereof really, as Marie's, indian choker and tons of jewerly and that slightly odd style about the way she walked and carried herself, as though she knew someone was looking and she was telling them, I know what you're thinking, because, well...I'm me.... This must seem pychotic to most people, and no kids I'm not on drugs. This is merely a half logical rant if you know me, if you don't, you probably haven't a clue what or who I'm talking about, and that's alright, that's half my point...but I do have to say, don't expect my to be social, I'm not, I never have been and I never will be, I talk only so people feel I never shut up and eventually just stop listening, and that's not working, but I never really feel comftorable enough to stop talking, it's my coping mechanism, because I can't infact hide as I used to be able to, not for the most part.I should just give up, throw what people think of me out the window, and have my printer follow that. I might just do that....maybe.... |
