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| robotics was okay, life has been alright I guess, everybody's leaving for spring break...I'm gonna get my hair done soon, got shit loads to do, lkasdjflkasdjflasdkfj
 that's the style I want | | |
| I mean it's 2:41 in the fucking morning, I've already slept and now I can't fall back asleep.Our printer isn't working so I can't finish my project that;s due 2nd block, and I need to get all my paper works signed. I had OM today, got nothing done, have robotics today...better really make some progress or I might quit, both....at which point, what would I ever have to do...like at 1 am when I wake up and goes downstairs to sew OM costumes, that would be no more >.<' so now I'm embrodiering a scarf, not the funnest thing at 3 am. but at least school is fun so far, and I have lunch with Lucifer<3 everyother day it seems...and most of my classes don't really consist of people who try to talk to me, so I can go on about my day just reading my book, which Sean stole, even though I SHOULD BE reading the summer reading books because I have all class thursday to work on the project for it, but I haven't read the second book and don't remeber the first....hmmph....ah well, I have untill tuedsay, and no school monday, so that's what I'll be doing in most likely hood....yuk >.> Kill Hannah and Jrock has taken over my computer, and anything not japanese seems to not exsist....it's weird I'm too asian to not be asian...hmmph...I'm losing myself agian though, I can feel it, like talking to Marie today....I could tell that I'm almost gone, already, and I was doing so well at keeping at least a shred of myself still intact, ever around others. I mean most people think I enjoy talking, they think I like conversations and that I have friends, and I hate myself for lying to these poor kids, well actually I'm not even lying, they're merely assuming beyond what I'm implying...ah well. I still have some friends. Most people are merely accquaintances, but that's alright, they make me seem slightly more normal, having people who say hi passing in the hall, but never really seem to stop to talk to ME.....it's alright, I need those people, so I don't repeat my past, it's just that well, I miss my past, I miss being me, and reading all day, I miss not having to respond to these sheep who just do everything they are expected to because it's expected....does that make sense? Also, today I saw a girl who I swore was Marie, until I realized half of her hair was black, but it was the same length, and style, or lack thereof really, as Marie's, indian choker and tons of jewerly and that slightly odd style about the way she walked and carried herself, as though she knew someone was looking and she was telling them, I know what you're thinking, because, well...I'm me.... This must seem pychotic to most people, and no kids I'm not on drugs. This is merely a half logical rant if you know me, if you don't, you probably haven't a clue what or who I'm talking about, and that's alright, that's half my point...but I do have to say, don't expect my to be social, I'm not, I never have been and I never will be, I talk only so people feel I never shut up and eventually just stop listening, and that's not working, but I never really feel comftorable enough to stop talking, it's my coping mechanism, because I can't infact hide as I used to be able to, not for the most part.I should just give up, throw what people think of me out the window, and have my printer follow that. I might just do that....maybe.... | | |
| I'm gonna act like I care how all of you spent your new years eve, and if you enjoyed your past year, even though for most of you, I know what happened for the most part, and it would take to long to really go into anything, but either way, you can tell me how you think your year could be summed up, and how you spent your New Years Eve, just so I don't feel so bad for telling you a little bit about how my time was spent.
Vampire/Goth movies=great way to ring in the new year...Dracula is pretty fucking hilarous, it helps to have a cuddly goth explaining the good points of being creepy though, then realizing 10 minutes after the new year you sorta missed it...hehehe, either way, it was fun.
I'm begining to see what's wrong with me, I always talk about lying to other about beinging social, right? but I've realized, I've been lying to myself, saying not only do I need people to konw me, I've told myself I have people who know me, and not until recentaly have I felt like I've found people who I'm comftorable knowing me, but I think I have now. Thank Goddess for AWA kids, and the concert kids ^.^
Here's to the New Year, I hope it will be filled with Jpop/Jrock, amazing aquaintences and a few good friends as well as tons of Concerts and Kill Hannah, and but of course, mangas and books!
A special thanks goes out to a few who have helped me a lot, most of them without ever realizing it at all
~Skit, Kelsey, Darian and all you, who I no longer speak to, you showed me a lot about people, the world and myself.
~Erin, I owe you a lot, you really helped me learn to open up and talk to people, how to really enjoy myself ^.^
~Olivia you rock, thanks for being just as dumb as I am, and making fun of me for the dumb things, it's nice to know I'm not to oly one laughing and being laughed at
~Lucifer, as I've said, you're amazing, thanks for not being gay >.<, hehehe
~Courtney, Ellie, and Livi while you don't think that much about it, you've showed me a lot about myself as well, thanks for all of it, but I still want my book back...
~Elise, Lian, Samar, Parissa, Melissa, Ethan, etc...what can I say, I now am sure I hate parties and that while I can have lots of aquaintences, I don't really need to feel as though I have to open up to everyone who wants to talk to me
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| I feel bad for Olivia.....hehe poor girl. oh well
My boyfriend is a moron, he left his phone and stuff for his camp thing. >.<
crakers=amazing food and cooked spinach is degusting.
There is nothing to do around here so I had Mollie, Olivia and Lucifer over for Movie night agian last night, it was fun, we ate so much though, it was pretty funny.
I still have to start my summer reading, and look over my schedule >.<' My brother's band mate broke his hand and they're not sure if they'll be able to play their show on the 6th, which is really sad....I'm tired as anything and it looks like I'm gonna hafta bike up to the Library, but now it's sorta cold...eck I still need to find the book list first >.<' and my computer deleted quite a lot of stuff from it for me, too bad it was all stuff like internet explorer and window media player, the stuff I used....:P I need to see some friends I haven't seen in a while, I've decided. | | |
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